I was in This day show recently doing a segment on what to do when life doesn’t work out the way you want. The panel included the amazing authors Rene Syler and Amy Cohen and the talented Debbie Nigro, founder and CEO of firstwivesworld.com. Here are the five tips I couldn’t give on the air, the steps you can take that can help when things go wrong, especially in your love or dating life.

Life almost always takes a left turn, it never seems to turn out the way we expect. The One turns out to be a Failure, the chemistry dies in your marriage, you get divorced and so on. How do we manage? Studies show that certain people are more resilient: they adapt quickly and easily to change. When they take unexpected and unwanted left turns in their lives, they use mentors, positive emotions, and self-talk to help them cope. These lucky folks can turn a bushel of lemons into an entire lemonade stand. So aside from being envious, what can we learn from them?

Here are five ways resilient people turn life’s disappointments into unexpected blessings and opportunities.:

1. use humor

Research on people who watched funny videos showed that they had reduced stress hormones, a boost to the immune system, and a reduction in pain sensation. Laughter helps you get out of that downward spiral of negative thoughts and feelings that come with loss. Look for the fun angle.

2. Find a mentor

This is what changed my life completely. As a young adult, I never wanted or expected to marry anyone because I had only seen battles and unhappiness in my parents’ marriage. I was stuck in deadly dating patterns, being a hermit or taking crumbs and loving guys who didn’t love me. But then I got a love mentor who taught me that love was possible and how to create it. This was the beginning of the program in my book Love in 90 days. And using those principles, I took a left turn, here I am 180 degrees opposite of what I imagined, in a loving marriage with a man who is my best friend for over 25 years!

3. Use a positive approach

Research is very clear that even after facing a serious life-changing event, resilient people focus on positive thoughts and feelings that may arise, whether it be a moment of peace, calm, or delight at the visit of a child or the beauty of a flower. They feel your anger, fear, and depression, but they also experience any positive feelings that arise. Even the most difficult circumstances can be viewed in a more positive light. If your husband suddenly gets up and leaves, are you free to pursue your passion for painting now? Put your attention on the door to creativity and fun that opens for you.

Four. Find and enjoy the hidden benefits

What is liberating about your new situation? How are you better as a person? Now that you’re divorced, can you go shopping without having to fight for it? What will be good about this situation? If you just broke up with a person who is very judgmental and demeaning, are you already starting to feel a little better about yourself?

5. Work on new goals

Resilient people don’t live in the past and constantly think about what was lost. They use the steps we just talked about to look into the future and choose new goals that bring a measure of hope and happiness. If you’re suddenly single, start poking around some online dating sites. Take the opportunity and go out on a blind date with your neighbor’s friend. Set new dating goals for yourself, even if it’s the absolute last thing you want to do. Changing your attention will lift you out of your depression. In fact.

You can learn much more about the latest research on building intimate relationships and techniques for recovering from breakups in my new book, Love in 90 days: the essential guide to finding your own true love.